November 2, 2009 My dad's family lost their core man, my grandfather, Billy Joe Clark to a stroke.

.

.

January 6, 2010 Hunter's dad's family lost the sweetest lady you've ever met to a stroke, his great-grandmother Pauline Drake

.

.

Just a few short weeks later, Hunter's uncle, Beau Lamb, took his own life.

.

.

September 25, 2010 my mom's family lost a lady who I would say was the reason our family still even got together, our glue, my dear aunt Vickie Knox passed away from ovarian cancer.

.

.

December 30, 2010 my mom's family lost the man who started the great big Knox family to congestive heart failure. My sweet Da, John Mack Knox.

.

.

In just one year and 2 months, Hunter and I have gone through losing 5 family members.

.

.

.

I have so many thoughts going through my head this morning, I really don't know where to begin. I know I've said this before, but I literally used to pray and pray that God wouldn't take a single member of my family for years and years to come. Though unrealistic, I wanted to grow old with these people. I wanted my children to know these people, to have these people in their lives the way I had the priviledge of knowing them, even if some of them were only for a short time. I have to say, I was not prepared for my first loss, my Pawpaw, in November of '09. He was the first major loss in my life and the sting was very real and very painful. But then it was like God didn't even try to slow down or give me time to heal after he went to Heaven... we just kept losing family members. By the time I lost my aunt Vickie, I just sat on the floor crying "Ok, God, You can stop! Please stop!" But He didn't.

.

.

But something happened when I got the phone call from my mom to hear her say Da was gone. I'm not saying I didn't cry when I was told his last days were near- there is always sorrow in having to say goodbye. But my heart felt extreme peace the day he passed. I have to admit that with each loss this past year and couple months, I felt a little step closer to Heaven, but with my Da's loss, I finally felt it. I felt the JOY of eternity. The sting of death was gone and I could praise my King for taking a family member into Heaven to be with Him! Oh, I am so thankful for that!

.

.

At my Da's service, Brother Bill gave the most beautiful analogy. He compared losing a family member or friend to an airport- in the old school days, of course :) He compared death to the departure side and to the arrival side. In the days when you could walk with your friends and family all the way to the terminal as they boarded the plane or wait for them at their terminal as they came off the plane, there were different emotions. From an outside point of view, you almost always saw tears. The tears shed on the departure side were usually ones of sorrow because of having to say goodbye. But if you got to be watching on the arrival side, you witnessed tears, but they were tears of joy because of the happiness to see the person coming off the plane.

.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

.

Here on earth, we are on the departure side. We cry because we have to say goodbye and we're going to miss them- we cry because we're sad. But in Heaven, they are on the arrival side. The ones we've said goodbye to are walking down that terminal and have a crowd of people waiting for them, crying, because they are so excited to welcome them Home, to see them again. I pictured my Da with a huge grin, running down the terminal to be greeted by his loving friends and family members who had been waiting to see him again.

.

.

After Da passed, my family all spent a night at my Nana's house looking through photo albums. There we were, the huge family we are, sitting at the kitchen table and spread out on the floor going through pictures for hours and hours, smiling and remembering our life together. We had so much fun seeing Da in his army days and the days when he and Nana first started dating. I found an album of my Nana and Da's 50th anniversary party (8 1/2 years ago). In there was a picture of my Pawpaw and Da together just chatting away. Ok, so Pawpaw was talking up a storm and Da was humbly listening. Anyways, the picture described them both perfectly.

.

.

When Brother Bill was giving this description of the terminal into Heaven, I saw my Da entering eternity. I saw my Aunt Vickie there. She was crying and embracing him. I saw my Pawpaw immediately occupy Da, giving him the break-down of Heaven, excitedly talking about how much he was gonna love it. I saw Hunter's family members make the connection and warmly welcome him. I saw Da's family and army friends run to him, tackling him with hugs. I saw the King completely satisfied by it all and most importantly, I saw the smile on my Da's face. He was young again and so handsome. He looked amazing.

.

.

Being on the departure side of course has it's sorrow, but that vision of Da's arrival makes it all worth it.

.

.

"Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory at work in the situation."

-Jesus Calling

.

.

sweet Da

John Mack Knox

December 19, 1919- December 30 2010

My "Da"

He was always so quiet, but the most I ever heard him talk was when he wanted to tell you how much he loved you. The last thing he said to me was "I love you so much." I am thankful for that.

"When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful"

This is why I celebrate Christmas...

I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing

You're beautiful

-Phil Wickham

my grandfathers

Pawpaw in uniform. 1945, 17 years old

my 91 year old Da

Nana & Da loved Bella

So this morning, Hunter and I opened our Christmas presents from each other because we are leaving for Dallas tomorrow. Here are our presents!

Bella sleeping with her Christmas presents

Hunter's presents:

You can never go wrong with a flannel shirt for Hunter. And he loves Levi 511's, so I got him grey corduroys!

He really wanted a Chemex. He loves this coffee shop in Nashville and that is where he was introduced to them. Apparently it makes the best cup of coffee you'll ever have. I also got him a bag of coffee from the shop.

His fave candy, fireballs and a Cracker Barrel coffee mug!

my presents:

Everybody knows I don't read, but THIS I won't be able to put down. He literally found the perfect book for me! I was already reading excepts to Hunter and I could tell...... he wasn't as intrigued as me, haha!

another perfect gift! All the Toy Story movies!

A necklace with 3 pretty hoops. One is rose gold, one is yellow gold and one is sterling silver.

I love this leaf ring!!

Philosophy perfume. It smells SO GOOD!

We wore Bella out with all the present opening! Here she is sleeping by the Christmas tree :)

.

.

just a little thought stirring about my head this morning....

.

.

I was thinking about my pawpaw when he rescued a couple in the 60's from a wrecked car, engulfed in scorching flames. I've also got a struggling family on my heart this morning. The two don't seem tied together, but in my head, they are. You see, some people need recognition for their good acts. They contemplate this recognition, this reward, even before the act is done. However, I know that is not the situation in both these cases. Both parties rescued persons from danger. My pawpaw rescued lives from near death. The other party rescued a life from feeling like death. Sometimes people save others without the thought of the risk being made, without the thought of consequences, without the thought of what will be sacrificed. And when the only thing that goes through their mind is "This has to be done now." that's when this act is being made by a Strength much greater than their own.

.

.

.

on a light note :)

.

.

Did you know my 4 year old nephew is a comedian? He is. This morning, we had just dropped the older 2 off at school and I got quite the entertainment on the ride home. The usual trip in the car consists of me sipping on my coffee, Christmas music on and Kasen trying to sing along to the Christmas music. Well, I guess he figured out over the course of this season that trying to learn the words to Christmas songs is just too hard. So this morning, he decided instead of singing along, he would add along. Here are a few examples of what I mean:

.

.

song: Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock.....

.

Kasen: Rock? I don't see a rock.

.

song: Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun........

.

Kasen: What?! Dis not fun!

.

song: Now the jingle hop has begun.................. dancing and prancing in Jingle Bell square, in the frosty air.....

.

Kasen: We're not in a square! Dis air not frosty!

.

song: What a bright time................

.

Kasen: It not bright!

.

song: It's the right time to rock the night away....... giddy-up, jingle horse, pick up your feet...

.

Kasen: I not a horse!!!

.

song: Jingle around the clock....

.

Kasen: I don't see a clock!!

.

song: Mix and a mingle in the jingling feet, that's the jingle bell, that's the jingle bell, that's that jingle bell rock!

.

Kasen: I still don't see a rock OR a jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell.......... Ok, are you gonna answer me?

.

.

This one was my favorite....

.

song: Silver and gold, silver and gold. Everyone wishes for silver and gold...

.

Kasen: What?!?! Not a t-rex, dinosaur, or monster!!!!! OK, they not real.

.

At that point, I started choking on my coffee and laughing so hard. I don't think Kasen even realized I was listening- he was completely in his own world. But I am OH SO glad he invinted a new way of singing to songs.

special Christmas memories

I have to say, I can't believe this will be the 4th Christmas Hunter and I will spend together as husband and wife! And they just keep getting better... and better...... and, well, you know. I will always remember our first humble little Christmas together in our 500 square foot apartment. We had only been married for 4 months. We loved that little place. One, it was cozy and two, it had a wood-burning fire place. I remember on Christmas eve, I was rushing around trying to find snacky foods to bring to my parents' house on Christmas day because I had forgotten I needed to bring some. The ONLY place open at that point in the evening was K-mart (do people still really shop there???). The weather was frigid and I was stressed after driving all around town. Once in the store, their shelves were about wiped out and the only thing I found was some summer sausage, a block of cheese and crackers. I stomped up the stairs to our apartment in a horrible mood at that point and when I opened the door, Hunter had a surprise waiting for me. There was wood in the fire place, burning a glowing fire and he had bought all the iron tools to build/tame a fire. It was the first time there was a fire burning in our apartment and I pretty much dropped my grocery bags and teared up. We snuggled up under a blanket with some hot chocolate and spent the rest of the evening by our fireplace. It was the perfect first Christmas with my husband.

Last Christmas, he went ring shopping with one of his close friends. His friend was on a mission to buy an engagement ring and Hunter was on a mission to get me a blue sapphire ring. Both boys were successful!! I was so surprised to open my little ring box from Jared on Christmas morning :)

I married such an amazing man!

Last night, we made another special memory. We had our nephews over to open their gifts from us because they leave for Arizona on friday and Hunter and I will be in Dallas on Christmas. I made a big pot of white chicken chili, mexican spoon bread and brownies with buttercream frosting. Kevin and my parents joined us, as well. We sat around the table, sipping wine and talking. Every 2 or 3 minutes, the boys asked "when are we gonna open presents?" After dinner, I served hot chocolate and spiced tea and the boys opened their presents! When my parents and Kevin had gone home for the night, the boys changed into their pj's and I made a big pallet on the floor. Me, Hunter and the boys (plus sweet-face Chase and little Bella boo) turned on Home Alone. It's always so sweet to have everyone snuggling by the pretty Christmas tree, watching a movie. We all slept in a little late this morning! I made blueberry muffins and served yogurt and fresh oranges. Then we realized it was 8:05 and for the next 20 minutes, we ran around trying to get out the door, JUST like the scene in Home Alone. It was pretty funny :)

This afternoon, I had to pick up the older boys from school early because of weather conditions. Me and Kasen were in the car and The Carpenters' "Merry Christmas, Darling" came on the radio. Kasen asked me the sweetest little question.

"Aunt Hea-yer, how you marry Christmas?"

"Ooohhh, buddy, that's not what they mean! When they sing 'merry' they mean 'happy' kinda like happy Christmas."

"Oh."

(silence.)

"But they mean you can marry Santa Claus?"

"No, no. Kasen, not that kind of marry. They are talking about merry, which means happy."

"Oh. 'Cause I can't marry Santa Claus 'cause he a boy?"

"Right...... That's exactly right."

I will never forget that conversation.

.

.

snow adventures

with Bella

.

.

.

"This stuff again..."

.

.

"It smells ok..."
.
.


"Yeah, this isn't bad. It's all good!"
.
.

"It's all.... good..... getting..... a little.... high..."
.
.

"Too.... high..... getting burried..."
.
.



"Ok, yeah. Get me outta here."
.
.
.



i love snow!

It's rather beautiful here in Tennessee :)