We're just babies

I haven’t blogged in a while, so I feel a bit rusty. And my words will probably come across scattered, repetitive and inconsistent, but I’ll try my best J

I usually like to preface my entry with a little story. So here it goes. I read, not too long ago, an interesting article about letting your baby “cry it out.” I admit when Noah was younger, I was desperate to get him on a schedule for the sake of my sanity at a time when Hunter was almost never home. There was a particular day that I let Noah cry it out for 40 minutes straight. That was also a day Hunter was coming home from the road, and he happened to come home while I left Noah to cry it out. I was having a break-down and begged Hunter not to intervene with what I was doing to Noah. He insisted anyways and scooped him up, only to find him completely soaked in sweat. Hunter held him and soothed him and decided to let Noah play instead of napping because Noah wasn’t even tired! What a blessing, that God allowed Hunter to walk in the door at a time when I was making a poor decision.

This article I read basically spoke against the belief that making your baby cry it out is healthy. I won’t go into all the scientific detail of what they claimed happens to the baby and their brain when the baby is left to cry it out, but the article helped confirm my decision I made months ago that I will not mother my child that way. I speak no judgement on moms who have trained their baby by this method because I am sure it has worked quite well. But I do know that my baby, in turn, suffered by this method. As the article described, babies are absolutely 100% completely dependent on people to take care of them. CRYING is, most of the time, their only way to communicate to us. In whatever way they need us or need something, they show it by crying. By leaving them to cry it out, their need becomes magnified.

Don’t get me wrong, when Noah decides he is wide awake in the middle of the night, I will allow him to cry for 5 minutes, knowing it helps make him tired. Or if he’s playing on the floor and has twisted into a position he doesn’t like, I let him be frustrated for a few minutes so he can learn to maneuver his way around. But other than that, his cries tell me “Mommy, I need you.” And there is nothing more fulfilling than to be the one to meet his needs and hold him and convey my love so he knows he can rely on me. So it’s interesting that we don’t allow ourselves to do the same with God, our Daddy, because we are, after all, completely dependent on Him just like a baby is to their parent.

So that was my very long preface. Anyways.

This morning, in Jesus Calling, I read the following:

Let My love flow into you continually. Your need for Me is as constant as the outflow of My love to you.

If you think about it, we really don’t go to the Lord as much He offers Himself. And His offer is an everlasting offer. We know how to meet the need of a child over and over again, but we don’t allow our needs to bet met by God over and over because, I guess, we just forget. It’s a practice He wants us to have so much, but we really never practice it at all.

We are needy all day, every day. We get sad, upset, angry and void on a regular basis and rather than allowing God’s love to flow continually, we’ve forgotten that flow is even there and reach for something earthly or we reach for nothing at all.

I need God ALWAYS, every moment of the day. Our need for Him is CONSTANT. But like I said before, I forget. I’ve cut His flowing love and in moments of dependency, I run in circles, getting nowhere, when all I have to do is find my way back to His love. It’s there- CONTINUOSLY. Everlasting. It’s a waterfall that will never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever dry up. Ever.

It’s hard to admit, especially for someone who might be proud of their independency, but we are just as needy as infants. But that’s the beauty of our design! God created us for that purpose- to be quenched by Him, as a child to a parent. To think we can overcome life on our own means we will be “crying it out” all the dang time! Who wants to live that way? I challenge you, as well as myself, to try returning to God today. Even in the smallest situations. If someone makes a snide remark that boils you, if you stub your toe and want to punch a hole in the wall (which I've done and don't recommend), if you have bad service when you go to lunch, if you look in the mirror  and hate the way your hair looks, if you miss your traveling husband… go to the flow of God’s love. Lift up the prayer “Daddy, I need You.” And allow yourself to meditate on how much your God loves you.

(p.s. there is really weird music/ads that play in the background whenever you look at my blog and I Have NO IDEA how to change that.... sorry!)

"I wanna hold your hand..."

I honestly meant to put these pictures up a while ago.

But better late than never!

Here is Noah at my 20 weeks appointment...

I'm now 30 weeks along

WHICH MEANS.....

only 10 more weeks and he's here :)

William Noah Lamb 10/28/2011

Here he is sucking his thumb

Here's his little foot. Looks like he's going to have looooong toes like his daddy.

(One of Hunter's toes is the same length as one of my fingers. I'm not kidding.)

Here's his weewee! He's a boy! See?

I found myself singing "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by the Beatles tonight, and I thought "Isn't that clever?" I'll explain in a minute...

Around the 2nd weekend of this past July, Hunter and I took a weekend trip to Chattanooga. We had so much fun that weekend as a married couple. We were approaching our 4th anniversary and still felt like newly weds. We spent the days exploring every nook and cranny in Chattanooga and stayed up late at night. We ate amazing food and bought the best souvenirs. One night, we were walking down Market Street after eating a late dinner. We were holding hands and flirting like those annoying teenagers you see at the mall. All we could talk about was how glad we were that even after being a couple for 6 years, we could still have so much fun together. We were thankful that we could slip away, just the two of us, and spend every waking moment together without boredom, fighting or....... chasing after a child. We talked about how so many people our age, and even younger than us, get pregnant or have babies not long after marriage. We couldn't comprehend why people would want to have a child so quickly without first enjoying several years as just husband and wife together.

Hunter and I both love children, but a child of our own just wasn't a desire any time soon. Marriage together was just too good. We reminded ourselves of a conversation we'd had on our third anniversary. We had "the baby talk." We both agreed at the time that we would start trying to get pregnant around our 4th anniversary. We laughed at the memory, as we approached our 4th anniversary and realized there was no way we were ready to have children. "One more year.... AT LEAST. Maybe..... MAYBE we'll start trying around our 5th anniversary." we said. There we were, just the two of us, laughing about what we would do if we found out we were pregnant. We thought we had such a great little plan, but apparently our plan was insufficient....

A few weeks later, something started to happen. We'd been slammed at work all summer and I found myself with blood shot eyes all day, every day due to constant stress. Some days I'd have anxiety. It started to get so bad, that I would begin my day with nausea, running to the office restroom to vomit. This was happening every day! I called it an anxiety attack. Then it clicked. What..... if..... this is... .morning.... sick---------ness..................... No. It wasn't. I knew it wasn't. I mentioned the idea to Hunter (who was on tour). He demanded I take a pregnancy test. I refused. I told him that was absurd and there was no way I was going to waste my money on a test. We struck a deal- he told me if I got sick again the next day that I HAD to take a test. I laughed and agreed. He called me on lunch the next day, July 28th.

"Well?"

"What..."

"Did you throw up this morning?"

"Um.... yeah......"

"BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Hunter, I'm not pregnant. It's stress."

"Please. Please. PLEASE go buy a test! Please! Just to ease my mind......"

"Ok, but I'm telling you, it's going to be negative."

I went to Target and bought a pack of 3 tests. I drove back to work, then went straight to the restroom. It was the test that gives you results in 3 minutes. After 3 minutes, I sarcastically rolled my eyes and picked up the stick. "Yup. Told ya. NOT PREGNANT. Wait. Two lines means no, right?" I tore the box open and ripped out the instructions. "Two lines means yes. Two lines means yes. I'm pregnant." My heart was beating so fast, I felt like I was going to faint. I stared in the mirror for what felt like an eternity and said "Oh my gosh" about 200 times.

I walked back to my desk, picked up the phone and dialed Hunter's number.

"There was two lines."

"Oh? Um.... what does that mean?"

"Two lines means it was positive."

"Positive? Does positive mean you're pregnant?"

"Yeah."

Silence.

I don't really remember our conversation after that, I just remember feelings of shock and not knowing what to say. I do know that Hunter was excited, but I made him promise to keep it a secret until he got home (which was still two weeks away) because I wanted our families to be the first people to find out. I feel so bad now that I made him keep it a secret because he was so excited and was bursting at the seams to tell everyone on the bus--- I'm so thankful he was excited because I stayed in shock for the first month after taking the test.

My first doctor's appointment was August 19th. I will never forget seeing Noah on that screen. There he was just dancing around like a little gummy bear. He was growing inside of ME. I was going to have a BABY with a man that I was overwhelmingly in love with. I couldn't believe it. When my doctor told me how far along I was, we realized I'd gotten pregnant sometime in mid June. So I was pregnant that weekend we were in Chattanooga... walking down Market Street..... giddy in love...... planning out our lives....... that specifically didn't involve babies anytime soon. I pictured God listening to us and chuckling out of amusement. I could hear Him saying as we had our funny little convo about babies,

"No, no, you two... I know the plans I have for you.... plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. You are Mine, so you don't make those plans, silly kids."

The other night, I woke dead from my sleep at 2:00 a.m. I was scared and Hunter sensed my fear, waking him up. I felt convicted of a state of mind I'd let myself slip into. As Hunter encouraged me to tell him what was going through my head, the tears poured and I felt so much release. He prayed with me and what's been ringing in my ears since I heard the words leave his lips is "God, help us to remember that Your plan is perfect."

After a very, very, very hard first 6 months of pregnancy emotionally, physically and mentally, watching someone I loved so much go to Heaven, with a husband whom I only got to see a handful of times, if that, I can honestly say I'm thankful. For whatever reason, I'm thankful for everything I've been through since July 28th.

I think we stray away so easily, sometimes not even recognizing we've strayed. All the while, God is whispering (as the Beatles famously sang) "I want to hold your hand. I want to hold your hand....." And once we take His hand, that grasp changes everything.

I'm still scared, but there is so much excitement. I cannot wait to see my baby that's been growing inside me for the first time. I cannot wait to watch Hunter become a daddy and to feel what it means to be a mother. We're gonna be a family!! When I start to fall into the trap of stress, fear and worry, I must counter it with the truth that is simply this: His plan is ALWAYS perfect.

Why Hunter and I will make good parents:

God really knew what He was doing when He brought me and Hunter together. It’s crazy when I stop and think how well we balance each other out. We’re so much alike in so many ways, yet we’re two totally different people that complete each other perfectly. I am the common sense side of our marriage, while Hunter holds the huge heart of our marriage. We’ve taught each other SO MUCH through out the 6 years that we’ve been in love. For example:

I’ve taught Hunter how to:

-know when to get the oil changed in his car
-know when it’s time to get his tires rotated and balanced
-write a check
- pay a bill
- wash a car (actually, my dad taught him that one)
- use the ATM
-cook and clean (“properly” is the key word here)
-do our tax return (even though I’m pretty sure he still doesn’t know how)
-be a good steward of our valuable things
-manage our bank account

Hunter has taught me how to:

-love
-forgive
-have faith and hope
-be humble
-trust
-rock climb
-be adventurous
-properly write a song (and understand why it’s the proper way)

I’ve taught Hunter about the bible and he’s taught me how to put it all into action. Hunter introduces me to comedy while I introduce him to history (if you know me, you know I’m fascinated with historical movies, especially based on war). He has taught me how to love all different types of music and I’ve taught him about the people behind the music (especially the Beatles. He might know more than he wants to know…) I’ve taught him when to be serious and he’s taught me when to be light-hearted. He teaches me when to relax and I teach him when to be passionate. I guide him and he corrects me.

We have two separate types of knowledge, but put together I know we will be the exact parents that Gummy Bear needs us to be. Not for a second do I worry about the kind of dad Hunter is going to be, because I’ve been with him since the summer of 2005 and have watched him grow into a better, stronger and more loving person. I also know that having 4 solid years of marriage under our belt will make a huge difference in the kind of parents we’re going to be. And because Hunter and I love each other so much, Gummy Bear will constantly feel that love and know our love for him/her.

Now here’s the fun part! Hunter and I together share physical traits that Gummy Bear will inevitably inherit.

- Freckles
- Flat feet (it’s ok, I’m not worried about this one. With how athletic Hunter is and my ability to run long distance- I think baby will be just fine)
- LOTS of hair (I just hope the baby gets straight hair like Hunter, instead of my stupid kinky hair)
- Full lips (I mean… both of us just have huge lips…)
- A BIG appetite

But I really hope Gummy Bear is so much like Hunter. Dark hair, tan skin, musically talented and I hope Gummy Bear has a perfect little single freckle on the very tippy-tip of his/her nose JUST like Hunter :)

The Unexpected Expecting Mother

"And yet, O Lord, You are our Father.

We are the clay, and You are the Potter. We all are formed by Your Hand."

-Isaiah 64:8

So.........

This is currently growing inside me.

The moment I realized I was pregnant is a funny story that I'll definitely post about one of these days.

Of course, I was in denial....

That is, up until I was sitting in front of a sonogram with my husband watching this tiny little life move and wiggle and dance.

I. Am. Scared. To. Death.

Hunter and I don't have maternity insurance because the agent told us to "just" save between $5,000-$7,000 (the cost to deliver a baby) and we'd be better off not spending the extra $100+ a month it cost to make your health insurance a maternity plan.

Well, that was about a year and half ago soooo..... no. Not enough time to save that much money on our tiny little budget.

So on top of our humble income, we are now about to completely change our lives that we thought we had quite a bit more time to plan out.

This morning, I was reading in my devotional, and the last line really stuck out to me.

It read:

"I in you, and you in Me. This is the intimate adventure I offer you."

The word 'adventure' brought a different sense to our situation.

What exactly is an adventure?

According to dictionary.com it is:

1. an exciting and very unusual experience

(yup, I would say our situation is unusual)

2. a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome

(risky- check. hazardous- check. action of uncertain outcome- definitely check.)

3. to take the chance of; dare

The last definition sunk in. God wasn't just telling me to see this completely new, completely different adventure as exciting. He was telling me that it's going to be mountainous and risky BUT the thrill of it is to TAKE THE CHANCE and to DARE to trust in Him so we can watch how He is going to make this adventure unfold into complete joy and fulfillment.

Bangarang, Peter!

Confession: I kind of love this song.

Ok. Not kind of.

I REALLYYYYY love this song!

and I love that it samples the Modest Mouse song.

It makes me want to get married all over again

just so I can have it on my dance playlist.

yup.

I heard this song on the radio today and it made me SO HAPPY!

I couldn't stop cheesing because so many memories came flooding in.

It reminded me of me and my sisters when we were little

on a super hot summer day, playing in the backyard for hours and hours in the sprinkler and water hose, just blasting country music.

I remember when my sister bought this song as a single on a cassette tape

along with Billy Ray Cyrus "Achey Breaky Heart."

We loved Patty Loveless!

Our favorite part of this song is when it stops and she goes

"Uuhh, come on, Patty. Get it together..."

90's country is the best.

Patty Loveless - I Try To Think About Elvis (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: Patty Loveless

oh my goodness!

LADY ANTEBELLUM IS SOOOOO GOOD!!