A love Story: Piece by Piece Part 14

Well of course Hunter just wanted to be my friend, but of course he still wanted to treat me otherwise, as if he were holding my heart in his hand out of his car window, speeding down the highway as it tattered apart like paper. Of course.

He wasn't following the rules, but buddy, I was. The texting didn't slow down, nor did the constant asking to hang out together. One night, he was having my best friend and a couple of her friends over to play poker with him and his roommates. He asked me to join, but I had a company picnic to go to with my family. He begged...... and begged....... and begged me to come over afterwards. I told him I would stop by for 5 minutes. When I got back into Franklin, I went over to his apartment and literally kept up with the time on my phone. His face brightened up when I entered the room, but quickly turned into the saddest eyes when my five minutes was up. I will NEVER forget the puppy dog look he gave me as I exited his apartment.

When I got home, he texted me. (Of course...)

"Why didn't you stay for very long?"

"Because I saw you yesterday. And we said we weren't gonna see each other everyday."

"Oh. Well, you looked really pretty."

"Hunter, please don't say stuff like that. We're just friends."

"Ok. Well you did. I guess I'll just talk to you tomorrow."

And he still didn't learn his lesson. What about HIS conclusion that we just needed to be friends did he not understand? Telling a girl that you have feelings for her, then telling her that you just needed to be friends, then continuing to pursue her emotionally is NOT ok. I honestly was ready to walk away.

He called me the next day and asked what we were going to do that night.

"Why would you assume that we're going to hang out? I already told you. FRIENDS DON'T NEED TO HANG OUT EVERY SINGLE DAY."

"WELL WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS? WHAT IF I WANT TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS?!"

And just like that, he cracked. I was still a little frustrated, but so full of complete satisfaction that showing him how our 'friendship' was going to go quickly turned into a complete turn-around on his part. We talked for a while about what our next steps would be since we both agreed that a stupid 'friendship' just wasn't going to cut it. He really wanted to be sensitive to his ex-girlfriend and not shout to the whole world that he and I were now an item. So we decided that we were going to 'secretly' date, ha. Yeah, that didn't last long. He couldn't handle everyone asking him what was going on between us and was ready to start hanging out and getting to know me as his 'girlfriend' without any boundaries, so we started hanging out one on one. We would sit on opposite ends of the couch and talk for hours. It was such a blessing. He would text me afterwards to tell me how refreshing our conversations were and to tell me how he couldn't stop smiling. One night, we were at his apartment with several friends, but had previously planned to watch a movie- just the two of us- and so we said our goodbyes to everyone and headed up to my place. Man. I did not expect what was to come next.

Our first time out as a couple came with lots............. and lots............. and lots of drama, it scared the poop out of me. I had no idea that by dating Hunter Lamb, I would feel like such a horrible person. I was causing hurt to someone without even trying to cause hurt. Hunter got about 100 phone calls that night from his friends asking if he and I were together, only, it wasn't him that called to notify all of them. They were, for the most part, supportive. His girl friends questioned him about it, but they were only being protective because they saw Hunter's future with someone else. I sat there in shock hearing Hunter repeat to me all the things that had been said about me, and I just remember sitting on my couch having to listen to Hunter on the phone being chewed out by his ex-girlfriend's younger sister. Let me tell you, Hunter is so so so so slow to anger but that night I heard him yell in frustration and throw his phone across the room. That's the only time I've EVER seen him act that way. The only question that came to my mind that night was "God...... are you sure this is ok?"

Despite what was being thrown at him, Hunter wasn't looking back. He told me he wanted to take me out on a real date and for us to have a really special night. August 15, 2005 was the first time I went on an official date with Hunter. My whole family knew about it, too! My younger sister took the liberty of calling him to tell him that 'he better not try to kiss me because I had never been kissed and he needed to wait for the perfect night, in the perfect moment.' Gotta love sisters.

We went to dinner and afterwards, took a walk through downtown Franklin. When we were headed back to the car, I stopped him before we walked across the street and asked "If you were going to introduce me to someone, how would you introduce me?"

His answer: "I would say, 'This is my girlfriend, Heather."

I, Heather Clark, had a boyfriend. Hallelujah!!!!

When he took me home, I was expecting nothing more than a hug and an "I'll call you tomorrow." but as we stood at the bottom of my stairwell, we hugged and he said "Can I kiss you?"

I think I'm gonna throw up.

"What? Right now???"

"No, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that.... we don't have to....."

I just held his face, smiled and calmly explained that I was overwhelmed that he was going to be my first kiss, but that I wasn't ready. His sweet face turned bright red and we called it a night. Clearly he didn't listen to a word my sister had told him :)

We had our first kiss about a week later and then three short weeks after that, he told me that he loved me. A year and four months after we started dating, he asked me to marry him and on August 25, 2007 I married the first boyfriend that I ever had.

God is so good.

A Love Story: Piece by Piece Part 13

When Hunter came with his brother and my friend to pick me up from my mission trip, I expected the biggest smile and hug ever. Instead, he was shy and holding back. A few days later, Hunter and I went to dinner with my roommate and his band member/ roommate. We wound up at a sushi restaurant, and my roommate and Hunter's roommate decided to be sneaky and abandon the two of us. So there we were. I was dying inside because NOTHING had been brought up about whatever the heck was going on between- no mention of hand holding, no mention of him calling me, no mention of anything. So painfully awkward.

While at dinner, I decided to bring up my peeling hand. It had been peeling from sweat and gripping his hand so hard that night (gotta love it). He was puzzled at first and had no idea what I was talking about.

"Sooo, my hand started to peel really bad."

"What? That's weird, why....."

"From.......... you know, when we..............."

"Oh yeah."

He fake laughed and looked away. I got the biggest pit in my stomach. I was so stupid. Just drop it, Heather. He doesn't like you.

Later that week, Hunter and Hayden decided to have tons of friends over at their place. I went to hang out, but didn't know anyone on a personal level and Hunter was doing a really good job at ignoring me. I got a phone call while I was over there from my older sister. She asked what I was doing and where I was, then when she realized I was with Hunter, she told me to just go home. Then my younger sister called, then my mom. All heart-broken because apparently my best friend had a conversation with Hunter and asked him if he had feelings for me. When he told her that he and I were just friends, she couldn't wait to get on her phone and spread the news that HUNTER DID NOT LIKE ME.

There I was stranded at his apartment, experiencing my crappy prom night all over again. There I was having to come to terms with the fact that I had been fooled yet again by some stupid boy. There I was mad at myself for releasing the grip from the wall that had been choking my heart. I walked up to Hunter and he could tell I was upset. I asked him to take me home.

"What??? You just got here. Why do you want to go home?"

"I don't feel good and I'm not friends with these people. Just please take me home."

"Ok.... are you sure?"

"I couldn't be more sure."

"What does that mean? What's wrong?"

The car ride up the hill to my apartment consisted of me staring out the window and Hunter repeatedly asking me if I was ok. I got out of his car and didn't look back. Even after he drove away, he called several times to.......... repeatedly........... ask me.............. if I was ok. I couldn't sit there alone, so I got in my car and drove over to a friend's house. On the way there, Hunter called again. He asked what I was doing and when he found out I was headed somewhere else, he was offended.

"I thought you said you didn't feel good, so why are you going to hang out with somebody else? I can tell you're mad, just please tell me what's going on."

Ok, it was time to get it out.

"HUNTER!!!!!!!!!!! I feel SO stupid. YOU make me feel SO STUPID."

"What? Don't feel stupid!"

"I do! I can't believe I let myself feel this way and THAT'S WHY I FEEL SO STUPID. I'm SUCH an idiot to believe that...."

Just tell him, Heather. Tell him that you thought he liked you.

"I wish I would have never felt this way. I don't understand you. I hate myself for thinking the things I did."

"Heather, don't feel stupid. I feel the same way."

"WHAT??? You're so confusing. I have to go."

"No, trust me. I feel the same way. I'm sorry I........"

You're sorry you made me think you had feelings for me?

"Hunter, just stop talking. Now I know all you were doing was flirting with me and.... I just feel so stupid."

"Heather, I feel the same way you do, believe me. I just don't know what to do. I'm so confused, I don't know what to do."

"What are you talking about............"

"I don't know what to do. But trust me, I feel the same way you do."

Yeah, you keep saying that. Way to beat around the stupid bush.

"Heather, I just got out of a 3 year relationship this past March. And it was really hard to come out of it, but I just kept praying and trusting that that's where the Lord wanted me. For the first time, I was the closest I've ever been to the Lord and I was so happy not to have to deal with girls. I just knew that God had me single for a reason and I felt like I was going to be happily single for a really long time. And then you came along and I was like "Ok, God..... what the heck?" because it hasn't been long at all since my last relationship and I just didn't expect any of this. I want to be in a relationship with you, but I don't think I can. I just think we're supposed to be friends.... I really don't want to mess up anything between us because if we date and eventually break up, then we'll never speak again and you're someone I always want in my life. I don't want to mess anything up."

"So you just feel like we should be friends?"

"Yes."

Friends. Well that sucks. I've seen this boy almost everyday, except for when he visited family and he's telling me he wants to be friends. We had made previous plans to get breakfast the next morning, I mean, this kid wanted to be with me ALL THE TIME.

"I can be your friend. Don't worry about that, Hunter, I will be JUST your friend. So, here's how it's gonna go. FRIENDS don't have to see each other everyday. So we can just hang out every now and then. OH, and friends don't have to ALWAYS text and ALWAYS call each other. So stop texting me so much. You wanna be friends? I'll be your friend."

"Uhh... ok. Well, that means a lot. I'm glad you still want to be my friend. Are you gonna come back over?"

"No. I'm with my other friends now."

"Well, are we still gonna get breakfast tomorrow?"

"Nope. I JUST said that friends don't have to see each other EVERY day."

"BUT!!! That's not fair! We already made these plans!"

"Hunter, did you not hear what I just said?"

"You can't go back on your word! You said you were gonna get breakfast with me. Please, just this one time and THEN we can start... not seeing each other.... everyday."

"Fine. I'll get breakfast with you, but that is the only time we are seeing each other tomorrow."

"Yes! Thank you."


I was still mad as hell at his stupid 'friend' call on the whole situation. But I was sure as heck gonna show him what a platonic friendship meant.............

A Love Story: Piece by Piece Part 12

When we got back to our apartment, Erin, Brandon and a friend of ours decided to watch a movie. Just as the movie came on and we were all snuggled up, my phone received a text message. I wondered who on earth was texting me so late. I honestly hadn't a clue who it could be. I looked at my phone and it was a random number.

Hmm...

Erin asked me who it was, and I opened my phone expecting to read a text from someone who had accidentally sent it to the wrong number. But my heart stopped upon reading it.

"Hey, it's Hunter. It was so good seeing you tonight. I really hope we can hang out soon."

"Umm..... it's from Hunter."

I was sincerely in shock.

"WHAT????? Heather, what does it say????"

I read it out loud and everyone else was just as excited as I was.

"Hey! I know, I'm glad we ran into each other! I agree, let's hang soon."

A few minutes went by and I thought that was that. But he had actually texted me. He actually wanted to hang out. Despite what my mind settled for after seeing him that night, I just might see this boy again. Ok, let's get this movie started.

Another text.

"What about tomorrow?"

"He asked me to hang tomorrow!!!!!!"

"No way!! Heather, you have to! It's Hunter! I mean, HUNTER LAMB. The boy you used to ALWAYS talk about!"

"I know. But I'm scared. I didn't actually think he would try to hang out with me.... I'm nervous."

"Ummm and? Get over it. Tell him yes."

Well, here goes nothing.

"Yeah, tomorrow sounds good! I get off work around 3:30."

"Text me your apartment number after work. I'll be there at 5:30."

And just like that, we were inseparable. June of 2005 began my adventure into the life I now live with Hunter Lamb. Don't get me wrong, he played it safe at first. He brought over a friend that next day and we met up with a bunch of people at Chick Fil A. But he made sure to hang out with me the next day.... and the next day.... and the next day..... and by the end of the week, he asked me and my bff to go to a Mae show in Nashville. Wouldn't you know that that would be the night that I ran into Mr. Heart Breaker for the second time in the year since he forgot that he was pursuing me. I mean, not just ran into him- he was straight up behind us the entire time we were waiting in the looooong line to buy a ticket. Though I have to say, it felt good to rub it in his face that I was there with an extremely attractive guy, and I definitely conveyed to Mr. Heart Breaker that I, too, could act like we never had a brief past.

But I still had to keep my guard up. What if I was reading into Hunter all wrong and he just wanted a girl that he actually had something in common with to be his friend? So I decided to leave the venue for the first two bands to go eat with some friends. I swear, Hunter almost begged me to stay, but I "was starving", or so that was the excuse I used to not just hand him my heart. A few days after the show, I went to Birmingham to visit family for a week. I told myself that I wouldn't think about him while I was there, but that was a little hard to do, in that, he texted me the entire week I was away. But no, it was all in good fun. He called me his best friend. I was ok with that, I guess. I mean, it would be a little weird if we had decided right away to date. And for all I knew, that's not even what he wanted. So best friends we were.

In mid July, he and Hayden had plans of flying to California to visit their family for 3 weeks. I wasn't sure how I would handle being away from Hunter for that long, but I knew it would take a lot of taming my heart and mind because I was just his best friend. Him and Hayden decided they wanted to stay at our apartment the night before they left because they had asked me and my best friend to take them to the airport at 5:30 in the morning. No harm, right? They were just our friends sleeping on our couch. I mean, we had our rooms to retire to when it was time for bed. Gosh, he wasn't asking to spend the night because he liked me, or anything. We made a big pallet on the floor to watch a movie. Me, Hunter and bff were on the floor, and Hayden decided to stay on the couch because he would most likely fall asleep. Not long into the movie, my best friend AND Hayden both fell asleep. Hunter kept grabbing my hand and pulling it close to his chest. Kind of like something a little boy would do with his mother. I could feel his heart beating really hard and really fast.

Is he trying to hold my hand?

I wasn't sure, so I pretended to "readjust" to get comfortable and pulled my hand away. He was laying on his back and pulled my hand right back up to his chest.

I think.................... I think he IS trying to hold my hand.

Well, if he wasn't going to straight-up hold my hand, then I would just settle the whole dang thing myself. I waited for the opportunity when he would take a turn in "readjusting" to get comfortable and then I slid my fingers in between his and we locked hands. He didn't look at me, but then he lifted our hands in the air and I got worried that maybe he did it to pull our hands apart. So since I so boldly was the one to grab his hand, I so boldly asked him "Do you want your hand back?" He just smiled and shook his head no.

I realized I meant more to him than just a best friend. We held hands for a while and then our hands got really gross and sweaty so the hand holding had to stop. He eventually fell asleep, so I quietly got up and crawled in my bed.

The next morning, I guess I expected Hunter to feel like my boyfriend, but he didn't. He was a little backed off. Great, he regret holding hands. We drove all the way to the airport with awkwardness lingering in the air. We pulled up to the gates and all exchanged hugs. I had no idea what to expect over the next three weeks, so I expected nothing.

A few days later, I got a phone call from an unknown number with an area code that obviously was not local. Well, if you know me, then you know that under no circumstance do I answer unknown numbers. Whoever called, though, left a voice mail. That's always exciting.

"Hey, it's Hunter. I'm at my parents' house and just wanted to say hey....but.... I don't think you can call me back because they live in the mountains and......my cell phone doesn't get signal so you have to have an extension.............. and....... I don't know the extension. Um, I guess I'll just try and call you later....."

Wait a minute. Hunter called me? All the way from California? Curse my stubborn self for not picking up random numbers!!! My best friend was with me when I listened to the voice mail and saw how upset I was.

"DUDE. Seriously, DON'T CRY. Please.... He'll call again. Ok, you're crying. I'm walking away now."

This was some sort of positive sign that he wasn't going to just act like we hadn't held hands the night before he left. Please, God, please let him call again.

A few days later, the same number called me, but I didn't get to my phone until the last ring and by the time I answered, it was too late. I was about to burst into tears because I couldn't believe that I had literally been waiting by my phone for DAYS and he called me again, just like he said he would, and I missed it!!! I was determined to talk to him. I redialed the number, knowing that I didn't have the extension number, but thought maybe I could talk to an operator and find him. Desperation. The phone rang and instead of being directed to an automated voice service asking me to enter my party's extension, someone actually said hello.

"Uhh.... may I speak to Hunter?"

"This is him... Heather?"

He answered!!! He was blown away that calling him back worked. He told me his parents lived in a camp and there was a main number to call, but in order to call a certain house, you had to have the house's extension. I think I called back so quick that our lines were still connected, bypassing the whole extension part. Thanks, God :) We talked for a while. He was so sweet. We were both so nervous and I don't remember a thing about our conversation. But he hadn't forgotten about me. He was thinking about me all the way across the country....

The last week he was in California, I went on a week-long mission trip with my church. We had no way of texting each other and I knew that we wouldn't be able to talk on the phone. I was beyond excited to see him when I got back. I thought everything would start falling into place. All signs pointed to a relationship now that we had held hands and he made a point to call me on his vacation. Boy, I couldn't have been more wrong.......

A Love Story: Piece by Piece Part 11

After having a pointless conversation with Mister Man, I decided to go down to the lower floor, closer to the stage. I was standing there with my sister waiting on the show to start. The venue was really crowded that night and I was wondering if I would get the chance to talk to Mister Man again before I left. Why had I invested so much energy into seeking this boy? Why did I think there was a molecule of a spark between us? Why did I compromise with myself to come to the show because I thought it might give him the chance to ask me to hang out? Why was there-

"Heather."

"Yeah?"

Erin put her hand on my shoulder and pointed off towards the stage.

"Look, Hunter Lamb is here."

Everything stopped. The room fell silent. There wasn't a single person around. Just me. And Hunter. The whole reason why I had even gone to the show completely took a different course and everything I had ever felt for Mister Man melted away in an instant. Erased. Vanished. Just like that, there was nothing.

I slipped back into consciousness. It was Hunter. He was talking to a guy that I had met several times at a college bible study that I had been attending. I just watched. Suddenly, everything made sense.

"You should go say hi."

"I don't know......"

"Just do it!"

and just like that, I had been pushed off towards my destiny.

I walked up to them and pretended like it wasn't Hunter I had noticed, but his friend. I patted him on the back and pulled that whole "Hey! What are you doing here?" card, but in the exact moment I did so, Hunter saw me. I will never forget the first thing he said to me.

"I've been trying to get your phone number for a month!!"

He said it with such excitement and that made me excited because that meant that he, too, had been searching for me in the apartment complex for the past month. I didn't say anything, just smiled.

"I mean....... I heard you moved to Carrington Hills and wanted to get your number because I thought it would be cool to hang out."

We caught up for a few minutes before the show started. He kept telling me he wanted to hang out, but I noticed he wasn't making an effort in getting my number so we could actually hang out. What, did he think we would just stumble across each other again? I wasn't going to let another month go by before I saw him again. I was about to go where my heart's wall forbade. There was an awkward moment of ending the conversation and trying to avoid making it seem like I had no response to his continuous 'we gotta hang out' comments, but at the same time, it's not like he was trying to get my number. So I went for it- in a classy way. I said "Let me give you my number so we can hang sometime." That a girl, Heather.

I went back to stand with Erin and she just smiled at me. The show ended and everyone began to shuffle out. Mister Man stopped me on the way out to chit chat.

Oh now you wanna talk.

So we had some more pointless conversation and Hunter passed us as he was leaving.

"Are we gonna hang?" I said.

"Yes, we gotta hang!"

"Yeah, ok, I won't believe it 'til I see it."

"We will! I'll call you!"

Did you hear that, Mister Man? He's gonna call me.

But as thrilling as my run-in was, I remembered that I was done with guys. The Lord had a big, long talk with me and I finally understood where I needed to be and was kinda excited about being single. Besides, it's not like anything in me actually believed that Hunter was going to call me. Everything in me believed that I would never see him again. And with that, I got in the car and headed home feeling content.

A Love Story: Piece by Piece Part 10

I couldn't wait to get home to tell my bff about who was living in the same complex as us. Our conversation went a little something like this:

"Dude! Guess who lives in these apartments, too???"

"Who?"

"Hunter and Hayden!!!"

"Dude!!!"

"Dude."

"Dude! We should, like, try to find their apartment and make them some cookies or something.... like, 'Hey! We're neighbors!' kind of cookies."

"Dude. We totally should."

"Dude, we could all be friends and hang out all the time."

"Dude...... I know."

(That's exactly the way me and her talked to each other......)

We spent the next month looking into every car that drove past us, either coming into the apartment complex, or leaving the complex. We also drove around one or two times just to see if we could guess which apartment they lived in. Yeah, I don't know why we thought that would be successful...... Anyways, we pretty much gave up. Carrington Hills was a huge apartment complex.

The day I turned 20 was bittersweet. My bff got a big group of people together to celebrate at our apartment and we felt so grown up. 20. That was a mighty big number for such a young person. You always dream about being in your twenties when you're little; All the things you'll have accomplished by then- college, big important jobs, grown-up friends, being on your own, being in a serious relationship.....

At 20, I was serving in an independently owned restaurant, working towards my associate's degree, learning to know God outside of what you learn in youth group, and bumming about the fact that there I was- hopelessly single.... just like I had been for my entire life.

I remember laying in bed the night I turned 20 and just kind of talking/questioning God. I was 20 and had yet to date someone- have someone to call my own. I had yet to have my first kiss or even hold hands with a guy. I had yet to be swept off my feet. I opened up my bible and started reading in the book of Psalms. I read 37:4, which says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Almost immediately after I read it, it's like I heard God repeat it back to me in the most enlightening way. He said,

"Heather, delight yourself in Me first. I want you to be completely satisfied in Me and Me alone, first and foremost, then I will give you what your heart is desiring."

I will never forget the way that verse hit me that night. I had read it SO many times before, but NEVER read it like this. I realized that I had to learn to be completely content and at peace with exactly where the Lord had me at the moment, because it taught me how to trust in Him and His plan. And I learned that He knew my heart's desires and that He wanted to give them to me, but that I needed to come to Him first, to completely and wholeheartedly lean on Him.

So with that, I felt instant satisfaction. I remember smiling from ear to ear and saying "You know what, Lord? I'm done with guys. I am truly ok with being single. I will wait as long as it takes if that means that You are going to bring me someone who is beyond all my expectations. I know You have a person out there for me and that You know who and what I need. Heck, Lord. Even if what I need is to be single for the next five years, then so be it! Even if I'm supposed to be single for the rest of my life- I'm ok with that! From this point on, You are EVERYTHING I need."

And I meant every word. Just like that, I was completely and 100% satisfied with where the Lord had me- and that was being single.

A few days later, my sister and her boyfriend (now her husband) invited me to a show in Nashville. I wasn't jumping to go, but then they told me Mister Man (I'm pretty sure you know who I'm talking about. The guy I'd been chasing?) would be there. So I thought I'd give it ONE LAST SHOT just to see if we could even carry on a conversation and if I figured out that there was no hope, then it would sort of be like closure- things weren't meant to be and I would have peace. That's so embarrassing to say, but I have to say it because it's vital to my story.

So I went with Erin and Brandon down to Rocketown and I saw Mister Man there. I almost knew exactly how things would go. I would try to act like I didn't know he was going to be there and he would be complacent about me being there. And that's precisely what happened, but that's ok because it was helping me let go of whatever hope I dreamed up back in my senior year.

But what I didn't realize is that God was only using this boy as a tool to get me exactly where He wanted me that night.................................

Just a little bit of randomness

I meant to post these a couple weeks ago...

I came home one evening, and it hadn't even been raining, but there was a rainbow over our neighborhood and I thought it was pretty :)

Hi, I'm Kevin, I mean Kasen.

Look at how cuuuuuuuute Aiden is with his front tooth missing!

A Love Story: Piece by Piece Part 9

He tried calling me for the next few days and I didn't return his calls. I wasn't about to allow myself to be lead on any further. You don't do and say the things he said to me and then not expect me to want an answer as to what was going on between us.

I was working with my good friend when she saw his name pop up on my phone. She tried to shove the phone in my face to answer it, but I explained to her that I was ignoring him and had no intention of furthering our relationship. She told me there was a reason he was calling me so much and that I would never find out if I never called him back. So, I called him back. He sounded really excited when he answered the phone, but I made sure to be a little monotone, not so excited and short-answered. He asked me what I had been doing, I just told him I had been busy. He wanted to hang out that night. Busy. He said what about tomorrow night? Busy. He realized what was going on, so he said he really wanted to talk to me and for me to figure out when I could give him some time.

I called him back the next day and we made plans to hang out. I told him we would take my car. This wasn't a date, you know. So by me driving, I had the control of where we would go and when I could kick him out, haha. Welllll he didn't have any place in mind to go, all he knew was that he wanted to go somewhere where we could talk. Great. I chose Sonic so that I could give him minimal attention and stuff my face with a brownie fudge sundae. He was being weird when we first got there. I just knew he was going to bring up my question and clarify that he just wanted to be friends. But he sure was taking his time on getting to that point. So we were just sitting in my car talking about pointless things for the time being. At some point, I somehow brought up my freckles. He said "You have freckles????"

Ummm... what do you think these millions of dots are on my face?

"Yeah........"

"No way! Where?"

".......................... on my face."

"I can't see them! Show them to me."

Show them to you???!!!!??!!! What the.

I pulled down my mirror and checked myself out just to make sure it wasn't me that was stupid. I turned on the overhead light and sat up really high in my seat near the light.

"See? All the freckles on my face.......?"

He leaned in really close to my face, which forced me to be pinned up against my driver side window. He was smiling really big and looking into my eyes..... not at my freckles. I recognized this smile.......

"Ohhh yeah, you do have freckles...."

And he just stayed right there. Smiling. Staring. His nose almost touching my nose.

I just stared blankly back at him and finally said:

"Welp! That's enough."

Whoa, Heather. That was a little harsh/awkward way to handle this.

And he sat back down in his seat. Then he went on to say,

"The other night when I said I was attracted to you.... I'm sorry. I was just kind of caught off guard because I was going to tell you how I felt about you, but I guess I just wasn't ready in that moment. I really do have feelings for you- more than just attraction. But I'm leaving in late August to do mission work for a year and we won't see each other. I would like to keep in touch with you, though. I just don't want to start anything now since I'm leaving soon. But like I said, I want to keep in touch and then when I get back, we could see where we stand and maybe start dating? I'm sorry. I just really don't think I need to go overseas with a girlfriend so I can focus on doing the Lord's work, but I really hope we can make it work when I get back."

WHAT?????

I couldn't believe it. After hearing that, instantly all my bitterness melted away. I loved what I was hearing. I didn't mind that he didn't want to start a relationship now, but just having his confirmation was enough. About a week after that, he left for a few days to be a counselor at a camp for children who came from broken homes. I remember sitting in church and an announcement was made that the year-long mission trip (the one that 'so and so' was going on)
had been canceled due to conditions that were out of the church's control. My heart broke for him. I wasn't even sure if he knew of this news yet because he was away at camp, but I couldn't wait for him to get home so I could hug his neck and be there for him. The day that I knew he was coming home, I gave him a call just to see how he was doing. He didn't answer, but I figured he was probably still traveling and would return my call. Well, he never did. I gave him a few days to process the trip being canceled and called him again. He didn't answer. About two days later, I was eating out with my parents when he called. My eyes lit up and I excused myself and ran outside to answer. When I got back to the table, my mom was just as eager to hear what he had to say.

"Well??????? How is he? What did he say?"

"He just explained to me everything that I already knew about his trip getting canceled. He said he luckily got to enroll last minute for classes at Lipscomb, but that he would have rather been able to go to Belmont..... He told me how disappointed and sad he was about not being able to go overseas because that was a year of his life he had planned that changed in an instant. Then he just ended it by saying maybe he'll see me around....."

"Oh, Heather.... I'm so sorry."

I was sorry, too. I'd never, ever in my life put my heart out there before and just like that, it was crushed. A few weeks later, we were at a mutual friend's wedding and I knew he was going to be there. The only way to cope with being burned was to pretend like none of it had ever happened, and that meant when I was in his presence, to act like we were complete strangers. He questioned my sister about the fact that I wouldn't even look at him. Thankfully, she let him have it.

One night, I was coming home late after seeing a movie with my friend. As I was walking from my car to my front door, I saw a shooting star fly across the sky. Stupid freaking shooting stars. Why did I ever watch them with him? I just stood there for a minute, then hung my head and cried. The next morning, I walked downstairs and my mom took one look at me, grabbed me and pulled me tight into her arms. "It will be ok, Heather."

I remember how quickly he changed after all of that. I was his friend on myspace and noticed that he started dating a large-breasted, bleach blond bimbo. Most of his pictures made it obvious that he was drunk more than he was sober. It's ok, he never deserved a good girl like me.



I decided not to go back to UTC my sophomore year because my second nephew was born and I couldn't bare the thought of my nephews growing up not really knowing who their Aunt Heather was. Seems lame, I know, but I've always been big on family. And Mister Man (you know.... the one before the loser who broke my heart) enrolled in an out-of-state college. I enrolled in the community college close to where we lived. Let me tell you, community college is completely different from a university. Everyone still thinks they're in high school. So with that in mind, I was a part of that school as little as possible. I got there just in time for class to start, spoke to no one, and left as soon as the teacher said their last words for the day. Things went that way for both semesters that year. The only boy of interest was one that I met in my physical education class and I truly desired a friendship with him because that's how I saw him pursuing me. I was happy because he was the first guy I could call my close friend (you know me, I preferred not to be friends with guys) and his friendship meant a lot to me. Well, he brought me flowers on Valentine's day. I can't tell you how angry I was. We had to stop being friends, and that's not how I wanted things, but what else was I supposed to do... and Lord knows I had to hear that question again. What, are you just gonna marry the first guy you call your boyfriend?

So an entire year had gone by with 'that boy' being back in the states and I was still sitting there hoping I had a chance, making sure he knew I was still there.... waiting. Classes ended and that meant he was home for the summer. I reckoned I would pick up where I left off with him. I was about to turn 20 and still had yet to officially date someone, heck, even kiss someone. I had no idea what or who the Lord had in store for me, but I was on a mission to find out.

At the beginning of that summer, my best friend and I got an apartment together. I was talking to a friend at church one Sunday and told him we were living in Carrington Hills.

"No way!" he said. "That's where Hunter and Hayden Lamb moved to!"

Now there's a name I haven't heard in years...................... geez, why is my heart all of a sudden racing?