November 2, 2009 My dad's family lost their core man, my grandfather, Billy Joe Clark to a stroke.

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January 6, 2010 Hunter's dad's family lost the sweetest lady you've ever met to a stroke, his great-grandmother Pauline Drake

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Just a few short weeks later, Hunter's uncle, Beau Lamb, took his own life.

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September 25, 2010 my mom's family lost a lady who I would say was the reason our family still even got together, our glue, my dear aunt Vickie Knox passed away from ovarian cancer.

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December 30, 2010 my mom's family lost the man who started the great big Knox family to congestive heart failure. My sweet Da, John Mack Knox.

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In just one year and 2 months, Hunter and I have gone through losing 5 family members.

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I have so many thoughts going through my head this morning, I really don't know where to begin. I know I've said this before, but I literally used to pray and pray that God wouldn't take a single member of my family for years and years to come. Though unrealistic, I wanted to grow old with these people. I wanted my children to know these people, to have these people in their lives the way I had the priviledge of knowing them, even if some of them were only for a short time. I have to say, I was not prepared for my first loss, my Pawpaw, in November of '09. He was the first major loss in my life and the sting was very real and very painful. But then it was like God didn't even try to slow down or give me time to heal after he went to Heaven... we just kept losing family members. By the time I lost my aunt Vickie, I just sat on the floor crying "Ok, God, You can stop! Please stop!" But He didn't.

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But something happened when I got the phone call from my mom to hear her say Da was gone. I'm not saying I didn't cry when I was told his last days were near- there is always sorrow in having to say goodbye. But my heart felt extreme peace the day he passed. I have to admit that with each loss this past year and couple months, I felt a little step closer to Heaven, but with my Da's loss, I finally felt it. I felt the JOY of eternity. The sting of death was gone and I could praise my King for taking a family member into Heaven to be with Him! Oh, I am so thankful for that!

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At my Da's service, Brother Bill gave the most beautiful analogy. He compared losing a family member or friend to an airport- in the old school days, of course :) He compared death to the departure side and to the arrival side. In the days when you could walk with your friends and family all the way to the terminal as they boarded the plane or wait for them at their terminal as they came off the plane, there were different emotions. From an outside point of view, you almost always saw tears. The tears shed on the departure side were usually ones of sorrow because of having to say goodbye. But if you got to be watching on the arrival side, you witnessed tears, but they were tears of joy because of the happiness to see the person coming off the plane.

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Do you see where I'm going with this?

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Here on earth, we are on the departure side. We cry because we have to say goodbye and we're going to miss them- we cry because we're sad. But in Heaven, they are on the arrival side. The ones we've said goodbye to are walking down that terminal and have a crowd of people waiting for them, crying, because they are so excited to welcome them Home, to see them again. I pictured my Da with a huge grin, running down the terminal to be greeted by his loving friends and family members who had been waiting to see him again.

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After Da passed, my family all spent a night at my Nana's house looking through photo albums. There we were, the huge family we are, sitting at the kitchen table and spread out on the floor going through pictures for hours and hours, smiling and remembering our life together. We had so much fun seeing Da in his army days and the days when he and Nana first started dating. I found an album of my Nana and Da's 50th anniversary party (8 1/2 years ago). In there was a picture of my Pawpaw and Da together just chatting away. Ok, so Pawpaw was talking up a storm and Da was humbly listening. Anyways, the picture described them both perfectly.

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When Brother Bill was giving this description of the terminal into Heaven, I saw my Da entering eternity. I saw my Aunt Vickie there. She was crying and embracing him. I saw my Pawpaw immediately occupy Da, giving him the break-down of Heaven, excitedly talking about how much he was gonna love it. I saw Hunter's family members make the connection and warmly welcome him. I saw Da's family and army friends run to him, tackling him with hugs. I saw the King completely satisfied by it all and most importantly, I saw the smile on my Da's face. He was young again and so handsome. He looked amazing.

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Being on the departure side of course has it's sorrow, but that vision of Da's arrival makes it all worth it.

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"Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory at work in the situation."

-Jesus Calling

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