Now this boy threw me for a loop. I don't even know if that's the correct saying, but you know what I mean. This guy was the "too cool for school" kinda guy. Like, the untouchable guy. But he had a huge heart for the Lord and delivered some pretty powerful sermons every now and then in our youth group, which is pretty crazy considering he was just a senior. Anyways, all that to say, he was one big mystery of a man to all us ladies. And yeah, every girl, EVERY girl had a thing for him.
His mom and my mom were really good friends, so our families went out to eat together at least once a week, if not, every other week. His mom would tell my mom things he would say about me, like "I gotta get me some Heather." and then, of course, my mom would repeat this to me. Heck, the kid even asked for my phone number (you can imagine the joy that sent surging through my veins the night that happened......) Sometimes, he would initiate hanging out, but quickly digress when he realized I wanted my best friend to join us.
So what was I supposed to think? Well, you know exactly what I thought. So I began my chase, all the while, never missing a step in being conservative myself. Like I've said before, no boy would ever know how I felt about him.
This went on all summer long until I left for school in Chattanooga. He went off to live as a missionary for a year. I remember my mom left me a note in my bible that said she was praying for my adventure, and the line that stuck out to me most was "BRANCH OUT! If you get my drift....."
Clearly my family was ready for me to be somebody's girlfriend.
Well, I didn't branch out. Freshman college boys, being freshman college boys, tried to "talk" to me, but I wasn't interested. That boy was still on my mind, and I just KNEW when we both came back home for the summer, we would pronounce our undying love for each other and be together.
What a dreamer I was.
I would come home on the weekends and my family would ask that age-old question: "Sooooo. Have you met anyone?" And I would tell them about some guy who tried to ask me to hang out or who emailed me or asked for my number, but that they were dumb and I wasn't interested. Brandi would always chime in.
"What, are you just gonna marry the first guy you call your boyfriend?"
That question really started to get to me. SO WHAT if that was the case? WHY WAS that such a scare? And besides, I kinda felt in my heart that, yes, I just might marry the very first boyfriend I would ever have.
I came home my first year after UTC and was bursting with eagerness to see you know who. Well, I never saw him. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I knew he seemed different. I would see him at church and he always just seemed like he didn't want to be there. I realized that after living in poverty for a year, a person can almost go into a depression upon coming back home, due to the realization of our worldly, selfish country. That was the place he was in. It's ok, I would give him time.
Erin and I had signed up for another mission trip through our church. We befriended this kid who was a few years younger than us because he made us laugh. He started bringing his older brother around, which I thought nothing of. Before I knew it, things started to get.... interesting. This guy, who I always thought was just hanging out with us because all his friends had gone off to school in different states, started talking to me more than usual. I mean, guys just didn't talk-talk to me, you know, they just acknowledged me most of the time. He would suggest that the four of us go hang out at Natchez Trace at night where the stars were overwhelmingly beautiful. At first, I thought our relationship was harmless. Heck, he was just the big brother to the kid I liked to hang around because he was hilarious. But then I realized our relationship was not harmless when one night, he took a group of us to visit the youth group camp where his brother was and we were walking down a trail towards a bonfire. He asked
"When are we gonna go to Natchez again?"
"I don't know! But let's do it again soon because that was so much fun when we all went!"
"Well, I meant, when are you and me going again? Just the two of us...."
"Oh! Umm...."
Didn't see that one coming...
"Whenever you want!"
I don't know, I guess I just never considered this guy being into me because he was older, attractive and really, really smart.
So I went to Natchez with him, scared to death of course. We laid in the bed of his truck and just talked for hours. I think I gave off the "don't touch me because I might vomit, I'm so nervous" vibe because he kept a good distance from me. And I honestly appreciated that.
He started to call me and we would have cute little chit-chats. I was SO underprepared/caught off guard/not ready to think about other guys, but he was cute and gave me butterflies, so hey why not?? He would always give me these really long, cheesy hugs where we would linger a little bit and then start swaying, you know? Geez. So anyways, I thought "I'm pretty sure this guy likes me and he MIGHT be my first boyfriend...."
The second time he took me to Natchez, we were listening to Keane on the way there and when a certain line came on in one of the songs, he turned it up. The song says "So why don't we go somewhere only we know?" to which he turned to me and said,
"I was thinking, Natchez could be the 'somewhere only we know......"
I smiled and said "I like that."
It was a beautiful night, we saw shooting stars and had amazing conversation. He confided in me about some very personal, private things in his life, and I just knew that something good was happening between us. I felt like it was safe to let my guard down. When he took me home, I got out of his truck and felt like I was floating. I was just looking at him and smiling and I said,
"Sooo.... What are we?"
He hesitated.
"What do you mean?"
What do you mean....... what do I mean?
"Well, what's going on between us?"
He looked up at the sky as if he was trying to think of an answer.
"Wellllll.... I'm attracted to you for sure."
You're........ attracted to me? That's it?
Anyone could be attracted to anyone. I could find some guy attractive, but that didn't mean I liked him. I was so lost. He went in for that godawful cheesy hug and after point 2 seconds, I pulled away. I told him good night and went inside with a heart that had sunk to the ground.
